The Art of Bouncing Back

Just as life seems to be going great, you get hit with an unexpected blow. Your car breaks down and the bill depletes your vacation fund. You go for a routine dental exam and find you need a root canal. A work colleague announces he just got a great promotion …the one you thought was yours. Or worse. Life is full of bumps in the road. Some are larger than others, but they’re all destabilizing.
So how do you bounce back from financial setbacks, health concerns, and life’s disappointments? Moving on is often easier said than done, but three techniques can make you more resilient: venting, going to the balcony, and solution sleuthing.
Since none of us likes to be seen as a whiner, you might be tempted to just bury your feelings. While putting on a brave front is appropriate at times, it won’t help your rebound. Putting on a happy face when you’re churning inside is like spraying lilac deodorizer in a smoke-soaked room. You don’t get rid of the stench; you just end up with a different stench. Instead, it’s far more productive to stir things up and air your feelings with a trusted friend. Expressing your anger or sadness allows you to process your feelings and be comforted. As you do, some weight is lifted and the numbness or pain will likely lessen. The loss is still there, but a caring ear reminds you that you’re not alone.
Gaining perspective is also important. To do so, try “going to the balcony.” Using a wide-angled lens, consider what crises you’ve survived in the past. You might even rate the current challenge compared with past disappointments. Studies have shown that rating a stressful situation reduces our stress response to the event. Studies have also shown that one of the biggest boosts in happiness comes from keeping a gratitude journal. Take time every day –even on bad days- to list all of the things that you appreciate. Perhaps the economy stinks, but your health is great. Or your health is a challenge, but your family loves you dearly. Maybe you’ve been laid off, but a friend says you can crash with him. For a short time each day, focus on what’s right. From the balcony, you’ll get perspective on the severity of your present situation, your capacity to survive, and on any things that are right with your life.
Once you’ve vented and broadened your perspective, you might try what I call “solution sleuthing.” You solution sleuth by turning complaints into questions.
For instance, when you catch yourself thinking “My vacation just went down the drain with that car repair,” try turning the complaint into a question: “Where can I go on half the money?” or “How can I replace my vacation money by June?” Complaints drain the brain. If repeated often they can make us feel powerless, stressed, and even depressed. Questions, on the other hand, beg to be answered. They are energizing, motivating, and spur us on in a new direction.
Suppose the next time life presents you with an unexpected blow, you confide in a friend, gain a broader perspective, and create a new path forward. You may not only bounce back, but come back even stronger than you were before.

FOUR POWERFUL QUESTIONS YOU CAN ASK YOURSELF

How is your year going so far? It's good to from time to time review how things are going. And to have a look at how you can make the rest of this year even better.

So I'd like to share four valuable questions that I ask myself all the time to keep myself on track towards a better life. Maybe they are new to you. Or maybe they are just healthy reminders that can help you to focus your mind and actions once again.

1. How can I give value in this situation?

This is a great way to improve your relationships and interactions. Four awesome reasons to give value in your everyday life are:

• It makes you feel awesome.
• You tend to get what you give.
• It makes your life a whole lot more fun.
• It makes it easier to start new relationships and improve your old ones.

What value can you give in a situation/to another person? Well, a bunch of suggestions would be: bringing a positive attitude into situations, being kind, helping out in a practical way, lending a listening ear, cheering someone up, offering useful advice or creating a fun/exciting situation for people in your life.

2. Would I rather be right or be happy?

Right in this question means the need to judge, the need to be right while interacting with other people. It's not just about the guy who can't be wrong in a discussion though.

 

It's about the thought that you don't always have to be against people or things. You don't have to exist in a "me against the world" or "me against someone" headspace. You don't have to defend positions all the time or build walls. You can let go of the mentality that says "someday I'll show them all!" that may be based in some sad stories from your youth. You can just relax, be cool and be with people instead of being against them in some subtle or not so subtle ways.

Feeling like you are right can bring some pleasure. But beyond that there is a lot more connection, happiness and positivity to be found. I like this question when I feel like I have to be right and judge. When I need to let go of inner trash. Or when I just have a feeling within that I should re-examine my current beliefs to move forward. I often find something helpful by doing so.

3. What is the most important thing I can do right now?

If you are lost in what to do next in your day, week or life, ask yourself this question. The answer might not always be what you want to hear because the most important thing is often one of the harder things you want to do too. But it can help you to check your priorities and stop you from getting lost in busy work and instead start tackling the really big stuff that will improve your life in any area in the long run.

4. What do I think is the right thing to do?

One of the hardest things to do in life is to do the right thing. What you think is the right thing. Not what your friends, family, teachers, boss and society thinks is the right thing.

What is the right thing? That's up to you to decide. Often you have a little voice in your head that tells what the right thing is. Or a gut feeling.

Here are three reasons to do the right thing:

• You tend to get what you give. I already mentioned this as a reason to give value (one of those things that I often think is right thing to do). By doing the right thing you tend to get the same things back. Give value to people, help them and they will often want to help you and give you value in some form. Not everyone will do it but many will. Not always right away but somewhere down the line. Things tend to even out. Do the right thing, put in the extra effort and you tend to get good stuff back. Don't do it and you tend to get less good stuff back from the world.
• To raise your self-esteem. This is a really important point. When you don't do the right thing you are not only sending out signals out into your world. You are also sending signals to yourself. When you don't do the right thing you don't feel good about yourself. You may experience emptiness or get stuck in negative thought loops. It's like you are letting yourself down. You are telling yourself that you can't handle doing the right thing. To not do the right thing is a bit like punching yourself in the stomach.
• To avoid self-sabotage. A powerful side effect of not doing the right thing is that you give yourself a lack of deservedness. This can really screw up you and your success. If you don't do the right thing in your life then you won't feel like you deserve the success that you may be on your way towards or experiencing right now. So you start to self-sabotage, perhaps deliberately or through unconscious thoughts. By doing the right thing you can raise your self-esteem and feel like a person who deserves his/her success.